I really wish i had the internet at home. I come all the way to my mums house, and then spend the whole time on the internet. What a horrible child I am. That, and I am just to lazy to tell you how my life has been. A lot of shit has been going on. not bad stuff, just stuff. School's out, Mrs Mingus asked me to take her summer class. So Class starts on the 16th. I went to Sonora to help with this Gold Rush documentary. It was a lot of fun, and I learned a lot and have a lot of bruises. This one guy (who is also in my class that starts the 16th) looks kinda like Johnny Depp. He must have girls falling all over him. He drinks and smokes a lot....
I took Blue on a kinda date. I got her to play hookie a week before school ended and we went for pizza. I payed, and i got a kiss on the cheek. Is that a date or no? Im confused. I have a headache, and am dealing with a real bone head on msn messenger... so thats all the update you get.

see, thats why i need the internet more, i dont feel like telling you stuff when i know i dont have a lot of time....

I'll start with yesterday. After I wrote...... I saw Blue. With a group of people. I walked by, it was ok, I went back to the place in which i stay before class. The stupid guy was still asleep there, so i stay in the hall and wait for Selena so i can go with her while she gets her food. I keep looking at Blue, I'm completely crushing on her. Its bad. I know... so we are eating in the little theater, we get kicked out because Rick and his drama buddies want to do shit, whatever, we go eat outside. I spot Blue in her area still, she's just with one last person. So we eat. Selena tells me who BOY (guy she's been kissing) is, I freak out inside, Im so angry........not at her, im disappointed in her... at him... he's dating my friend. Isnt that horrible? Im a very loyal person. And both of my friends are at stake, either i tell my one friend about what her boyfriend is doing, but i promiced Selena I wouldnt, or I continue to back up Selena, and hid the fact that my friends boy friend is cheating on her... I hate being loyal, it sucks.

Then we get up cuz Selena wants some candy (pity, make-me-feel-good candy)  and I spot Blue and this person very very close. playfully chasing each other around and hugging and just plain BEING CLOSE. I kept looking away, I didnt want to see them kissing. who am I to feel jealous that the girl i have been to chickenshit to ask out is seeing someone. But I was. I was a very jealous girl. I was sulking, shaking, i wanted to go home and cry. My friends tell me she's not worth it, she's stupid, she's just fucking with my head. We know that she knows we know (never thought I could say that without giggling) cuz sometimes we saw HER watching US.. is it wrong to still like her? Cuz I do... I cant just shut it off.  Selena takes me home. My roommate isnt home, which is good. Cuz I mighta started shit just to start shit and have a reason to feel crappy like I did. I yelled at the stray cat. i apologised after wards...but i still felt like crap.i threw a chair, i kicked the chair, i threw my purse across the room....
I called Dude cuz i needed to tell him Selena could get me down there the day I needed to go there. We talked about it. He thinks its a good thing. I still believe it wasnt. I cant compete. Im not a fighter. I dont do anything that involves tryingto beat someone... I cant do it.  he's like "at least you know she likes girls" well, it wasnt the way i wanted to find out , thats for sure. When Tracey came home I told her, she agreed with me, its a bad thing. bad bad bad bad bad. She feels sorry for me now. I feel confused. I'll tell you why.

I have a class with her today. I just came from it. I think she was flirting with me. She kept eye contact. SAT next to me, even when her friends that she always sits with showed up...which she always left before. kept smiling, asking if i was sad because i seemed sad... did this whole thing to force me to look at her butt ...... i dont understand. I can look at it from two views.
ONE;
She likes me, used this girl as a pawn to prove to me that she liked girls and is now upping the flirting so she can show me she likes me
or
TWO;
It's a mindgame. See if she can get me more into a jam. Fuck with my head.........


damn, i dont know if i like, or hate today.....

I go to school early ever day. It's my thing. One, so I can go on the computer in the libary (minus the spelling) and two, so i can wait in the little room and hang out with my friends for hours before class. I walk in there today at 9:30, and I see the guy that likes me asleep on the sofa thing. Freaked my out. As soon as I walk in I see a sleeping form. and even though it was to thin to be Glenn I started praying to whoever would listen that it would be Glenn "please let it be Glen! Please let it be Glen PLEASE let it be Glen!" I said in my head as I tip-toe over. No, it's Robort, or however you spell it. Asleep there, obviously waiting for me. Creepy! Why can't guys who like me, like me like regular people? I mean, do I attract creepy stalker people?! Is that my THING?!!!!  It disgusts me! So i snuck out before I could wake him and get stuck talking to him and walk out...and go to the computer room so i could do nothing until my Selena gets out of class and get her to stay in here with me....yes...it's true, people I don't like DO controll what I do with my hours, because I will avoid them like the plague.
He did nothing but try to impress me while I was at the filming thing , and i (along with hate the pity root) hate the LOOK AT ME LOOK AT ME root. I will see what impresses me, dont try too.... So yes, I will be in here, updating on NOTHING because I already updated yesterday...
OH! WAIT! YES I GOT SOMETHING TO UPDATE!!
Yesterday I went to Great America. It was great fun and I had a blast. There was this guy wearing a "Keep Staring, I might Do a Trick" tee.... and so I started looking at him. He got uncomfortable HAHAHA!!!!!
Spongebob was there. I hate spongebob...with a passion hate. So you know what my aunt and brother ALMOST did? They almost went while I was on a ride with my cousin and mum, they almost asked Spongebob to chase me around a while. I was on pins and needles the rest of the day because i didnt want to turn around and find HIM watching me.... eeeeck, i hate him. bitter passion bottom of heart LOATHING  hate...... yea, i really do hate him that much...
We went on this water ride, River Rapids ride and I got people to send water our way, my cousin looked like a drowned rat. She blaims me for it too...mwu-haha... i'm so evil! hehehehe
Umm, what else can i say to fill up my time....
I got a new purse... it looks like a Corsett ( ilove those corsetts, but i cant spell it for the life of me.) It's red and black Chiense print. I brought it to school today. Show it off. I love it that much... I am a purse whore... but i'm more of a lollypop whore. I did a doll of it once. A lollyPop whore, that is... I really would do anything for a .lollypop fix.... I get those... i swear, when my matabilism dies down, im going to be one fat pig.... so i should probley get all my dates now before i do that, i've been fat before, it makes me really ugly cuz my eyes go REALLY REALLY TINY.....
 i want eyes that are large.... Blue has large almond shape eyes. No wonder I like her. She would look SO much like Jasmine from Alladin if she had long black hair... I always had a thing for Jasmine. Jasmine, Pocohontos, and Esmeralda.....  i love those black haired Disney beauties, except Snow White. Never liked her.... I'm picky with my Disney girls. I hate HATE snow white, Cindella, and Belle.... I love Jasmine, Pocohontos, Esmeralda, and Briar Rose  (sleeping beauty). Ariel and Tinkerbelle are ok in my book. but they arent anything spactracular....

          I have disidede, these are my favorite smilies.......  aernt they great??       yes, can you tell i am just pulling for time now............

 I sitll havent told Blue I liked her or asked her out. I have two weeks before school it out, and im totally depressed about it, isnt that sad? i hate school! I wont see Blue after this, and it depresses me completely. I need to just suck it up, dont think about it, and ask her!! i had a chance to get it slyly though her friend, I was at a movie shot and Aika was there. I actrually started flirting with her!! whats my problem??! anyway, i coulda asked Aika if Blue was into girls!! but i chickened out!! damn me!

I went to the movie thingy and hung out with Curtis, i think he is starting to like me... probely my own fault. I flirt with him because he said he has never been flirted with. He's a great guy... but i already kinda like two people and i dont want to complicate my life anymore... It's already slightly screwy..i dont want anymore..... there was a dead rat, it got stuck under the door, but it wasnt smashed, it had a heart attack because it was so scared. I felt so sad for it. I gave it a momoral servise.. im so strange, but i know he had a heart attack. as i sat there , i put my hand out, and grasped for a memory, and i got one! i felt him dieing, he got trapped and got very scared, and thats how he died....   it was so scared, i felt soo bad.

Bob had a stroke today. Bob is my grandfather's best friend. My grandfather is dead. Bob can't die. I won't let him. He's a very sweet old man and I almost cried when i found out. Send out all hope Bob's way, he's going to be ok, but this will happen again. and im scared next time he wont come back.

I woulda gone to Los Vegus next week, but the offer was retracked. which sucks, but i guess it is fine. They were surpized i said yes to begin with.  but they were goin to this Ultimite Fight thing, and I am very against violence, so i asked if i could hang in the hotel room that day and read.... all because i dont like violence.... it sucks, but at least it means less money spent. I keep spending money, i need to stop!
I've been in a funk resently. I dont know peoples emotions around me that I need to know, i dont know where people's mind's lye in places i need to know and i just dont know everything around me. Here is something you need to know... i must know everything around me. .. so i am getting flustured about that. then the whole Blue thing, now the whole Bob thing, AND my mums play got cancled. The stupid ass lawyers disidede to SUE the play if they did it!!  so yea, and then the stanco thing, yea, not so happy over here.... and when i am not happy and i go shopping , money gets spent, and if i am only a little angry, i get super angry....... so yea. no good  with the saving at this time... but im suppoes to ALSO save money for this train ride down ther eon the 23rd...  44 dollars. if i had a job this would be easy...... but i dont.......... so, i dont know if i can get that amount of money and shit by then. plus, nervous about the train, AND i dont want to be done there too long, i am always worried i will over stay my visit and people will start to hate me, and im so scared of losing people who actrually WANT to hang out with me, cuz i dont have as many as even i would like to believe......i think i have problems with people deserting me........ i should get that taken care of...  it can be a total turn off to people and THEN they desret me FOR THAT!! GARRRR so messed up!!

Ok, first to the whole title thing, I finally got a new roommate, She's not bad, not good, but not bad, we barely know each other. She moved in on Monday. We talk at night before i head to bed, so thats as much conversation as we get. I know a lot from her past and her girlfriends and stuff. She's a leo...this should be fun. I'm afraid to get in fights with her. two leos fighting is going to be a lot of yelling, and i now have lots of urges to throw things.... so, yea, this should be an experience to remember.....
Stanco.... fucking stanco.... Misty broke her bed before she moved, my best guess is that she had to much sex on it, and both her and her girlfriend are heavy....  *shudders* why did i have to put that thought into my head? im such an idiot! anyway, so when Misty left i moved my bed into her room because the bed i had was to soft for me and it hurt my back. so yea, when tracy moved in, she's been using it as her windowblinds, STANCO is MAKING me move that broken piece of crap into my room when Tracy gets her blinds. She goes "yes, when tracy gets blinds just move the bed into your room..." i stopped for a second, thought it over and was like "did you hear me?? the bed is broken" and her responce was "its still usuable, we will still use it.......  i cant wait to get out of this shithole, its cold, its haunted, its broken, there are spiders everywhere, there was a shootout on tuesday and i got scared..... im sick of this shit, and AND i stilll STILLLLL cant get a fucking job! These asses think i can just boom, get one! i cant!! everyone wants experience. how the bloddy hell do you get experience without being able to get a job??  Damn!!, nyway, my brother is back, im done with miner rants, ill tell you wheat else is new w hen i find time... later